


Love Saves

by Fireflykat



Series: Love and Jealousy [2]
Category: Skip Beat!
Genre: Character Death, Coma, F/M, Gang Rape, Hospitalization, Major Character Injury, Nightmares, Not Beta Read, Premonition, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireflykat/pseuds/Fireflykat
Summary: Can Tsuruga Ren be saved?I wrote this a long time ago,  but to be fair, the story hasn't progressed that much since i wrote it. except they have finally admitted their feelings for each other. Nearly 300 chapters in. (I swear i have been reading this Manga for probably 15 years)anyway, I'm finally uploading this to AO3, Enjoy. Sequel to Jealousy Kills.
Relationships: Mogami Kyoko/Tsuruga Ren
Series: Love and Jealousy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983145
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	1. Ren's Lost Love

"Did you hear? Ren Tsuruga's manager has dropped all of his current acting gigs" "I heard one of his co-actors was killed by his fans," "I heard Tsuruga-san was in love with the girl who died" "I heard that it was his fans that attacked her" "Yeah, well I heard that Tsuruga-san tried to kill himself after she died!" "He did WHAT?!" "Seriously?!" "That cant be true" "I heard that he still hasn't woken up"

-Flashback-

" _We are officially late!" Yashiro called banging on the door. When he didn't hear anything he pushed at the door. Nothing happened. Yashiro was getting really worried now. He kicked the door as hard as he could, and it broke. Ren was sitting peacefully in a bathtub of red water. He had his eyes closed and head resting against the wall, and there was a smile on his face. In one of his hands he held the necklace with the gem that Ren gave to Kyoko. In the other hand lay the stone which she named after him, 'Kuon'._

_Yashiro rushed to his side at once. "Ren, REN!" he shouted tears starting to come from his eyes. "No, you can't leave me too!" he grabbed a towel from the rack beside the bathtub and wrapped it tightly around one wrist, staunching the flow. He took the other towel from the rack and did the same to the other wrist. Only after he had hindered the flow of blood did Yashiro carefully remove the stone and necklace from Ren's limp hands. He then pulled out his own phone and called 999. "Yes, Hello?" fuck formalities, he didn't have time for them right now. "Please get an ambulance here as soon as possible, Ren tried to kill himself." At the last few words Yashiro's tears became sobs and he was just being asked where he was when the line cut. "DAMEDAYO!" He shouted, frustrated. He had forgotten to put on his technology glove when he went to use his phone. It was no good now._

_As quickly as he could he took the glove from his breast pocket and put it on, then took Ren's mobile phone and redialed 999. "Yes? I just called but my phone died. Ren tried to commit suicide, please send an ambulance over immediately. Yes, No he isn't conscious, Yes; lots of blood" He answered the operator's questions sharply with a quiet edge to his voice no one had ever heard before. He couldn't relax even when the operator said that she had dispatched an ambulance to the address he had given her. He heard the wails of the sirens with apprehension making it hard for him to draw breath. 'What if he died?' Yashiro asked himself nervously. Ren and Kyoko in the same week would be far too much to bear. He knew that much for certain._

_Footsteps thundered out of the elevator and pushed open the unlocked door. "Yashiro-san?" Of the paramedics called in the doorway. There was a call from the bathroom and the four paramedics filed in past the agent. If there was a glimmer of recognition when the paramedics saw the actor's face, they didn't show it. They pulled the man from the bath and lay him on the gurney, which was brought up with them. One of them started CPR while two of the others dressed and re-bandaged the wounds._

_The final paramedic went over to Yashiro who was pale. Yashiro tried to stand to make room for whatever the paramedic needed and promptly collapsed._

_He awoke with a start a few minutes later on the ground where he had fallen with an oxygen mask on. The fourth paramedic was checking his pulse and his temperature. "You passed out from oxygen deprivation," He said to Yashiro calmly. "It's not wholly uncommon when someone witnesses this kind of trauma. You will be fine, just remember to breath. And I want you on that oxygen for another ten minutes at least." Yashiro nodded and looked over at the still motionless form of Ren on the gurney. "We got your friend's heart beating again, but he is not out of the woods just yet. We are going to need to bring him to the hospital to let the ER finish patching him up. He has lost a lot of blood, he will need at least two units of blood when we get to the hospital." The knot in Yashiro's chest loosened a bit and he accompanied the paramedics back into the ambulance and to the hospital._

_Once the nurses said that Yashiro was ok and didn't need to be on oxygen anymore, he went to go call Lory. They were supposed to have been at the funeral an hour ago, and everyone was probably wondering where they were. "Moshi, moshi" Lory answered after only one ring. "Yashiro, is that you" he asked after the agent hesitated, not knowing what to say._

" _Hai, Lory, Its Yashiro" Yashiro answered, trying to draw out the preamble as long as possible. He just wanted to say anything to let Lory live in the dark for a little longer._

" _Where are you and Ren" asked the manager, getting straight to the point._

_Yashiro took a deep breath, forcing the words out. "Lory, we are at the hospital, Ren tried to kill himself just before the funeral."_

_There was a long pause. "I will be right there" He said grimly after a quiet which seem to hold all the emotion of the past week in the dense, solid silence. There was a *click and Yashiro was alone again._

-End of Flashback-

Yashiro sighed as he walked out of another café on his way back to the hospital, the entire place buzzing with rumors of what happened to the famous actor Ren Tsuruga. He was actually surprised at how accurate most of them were. Ones that said, for instance that Ren and Kyoko had been secretly lovers for years, were fake, but close enough to the truth. If Kyoko hadn't had a tight seal around her emotions all the time she may have realized long before that Ren felt the same way about her that she did about him.

It had been a week since the near fatal incident, and while Ren was in stable condition, he still hadn't woken up yet. He was breathing on his own, and his heart was beating by itself, so the doctors were sure he would make a full recovery. At least, he would make a full physical recovery. Once he woke up that is. Yashiro tread the familiar path back to the hospital and into Ren's room. Lory looked up, looking as tired as Yashiro felt, and nodded silently to him. Lory then got up, grabbed his coat, and left. He would come back tomorrow night if Ren still hadn't woken up. However Yashiro was given strict instructions to call the LME president as soon as the actor woke up, it didn't matter what time it was.

Yashiro sat down next to the bed and watched Ren. Yashiro had known the actor for five years now, he thought he knew the man. But the expression that had been expressed itself on his face on their way to the studio was a new one. When they went to identify Kyoko's body he also wore an indefinable emotion on his face. It was full of pain, tenderness, and fury. His eyes were gentle when he had stroked her cold purpled cheek, and Yashiro was surprised (but pleased), when he bent down and kissed the cold girl gently on her cold lips. He had seen Ren angry before, but the fury behind the pain in his eyes now was new. It was frightening. Not avoid looking at you frightening, but run, hide, someone is out to get me, frightening. Because if there was one thing that Yashiro was sure, it was that Ren wanted those girls to pay for what they did to him, and it seems, in the end, he didn't really care how.

Ren awoke to bright lights and white walls. Heaven? He thought, then he caught sight of Yashiro next to his bed, no, still in hell. "What happened?" He asked, voice hoarse form disuse, the brown eyes that Yashiro knew so well, dead and unreadable.

Yashiro sighed and rested on his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and looking down. "You tried to kill yourself. Right before her funeral." He said to the floor.

"I know," came the reply, Yashiro looked up quickly. "Why am I still alive? I tried to kill myself, the cuts were deep enough, I know that, so why didn't I die?" Ren asked again, his handsome face, miserable.

"It was because I saved you, baka!" Yashiro jumped up, annoyed. "What were you thinking? What about the ones you leave behind 'eh?" tears were streaming down his face again. Ren looked away.

"I can't live without her" He said finally. "She makes everything better, makes me better. How can I live when she is not here?" Ren pulled the IV out of his arm and turned swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Where do you think you are going?" Yashiro asked, glaring daggers at the larger man, who was still trying to get to his feet.

"I need to join her. I need her. She needs me" He said staggering to the doorway.

"NURSE" Yashiro called, pressing the call button on Ren's bed at the same time. A minute later Ren's nurse came bustling in. She noticed Ren still trying to make it to the door and gently turned him around back to bed. Ren resisted but, because he was so weak from lying in bed for a full week, Yashiro and the nurse together were able to get the large man back into his bed.

"NO!" Ren shouted, tears streaming down his face. Struggling against Yashiro as the agent held him down. "I need to find her!"

"Hush" said the nurse, taking a needle and a phial of medicine the nurse injected something into Ren's arm and gradually the thrashing stopped and he fell back asleep. The only sign that anything had happened were the rivers running down his cheeks. The nurse carefully took the sheets and covered the now sleeping man once more, then she took a needle and started a new IV line.

"You may want to go find this girl he is looking for" she told Yashiro in an offhand voice.

"I can't," Yashiro said, looking at his friend with eyes full of sorrow. "She was killed 10 days ago."


	2. The Premonition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait... Kyoko???

Ren dreamed of Kyoko. She was as she was when they met when she was a child, small, wide-eyed, and hopeful. Then she became Setsu and the eyes grew colder. He was in their hotel room that the Heel siblings shared. Setsu was taking a bath. "REN, HELP" came an anguished cry from the bathroom. He tried to run to her side but he felt like he was moving through water. His movements were exaggerated and slow. When he finally pulled open the door it wasn't Setsu he found, but Kyoko, dressed in her Box 'R' costume, beaten up and bleeding. She looked at him pleadingly for one last time, asking him to save her, "Cain" she said weakly, and then her eyes closed forever.

"Cain" Ren turned and hurried out of the room, looking for the one calling his name, his Setsu. He found himself in complete blackness. He heard a disembodied giggle, with Setsu nowhere to be found. "Why didn't you save me Cain?" it said cruelly. Ren gave up trying to search for the voice and fell to the floor sobbing. "I didn't know" he muttered weakly, large body sagging in on itself. "You are the reason I am dead" the sweet voice said maliciously in his ear. "I know! I know, I'm sorry! I am so sorry!"

"Cain," Ren felt a soft hand on his shoulder and turned around, not seeing anything. "Please wake up now," the voice said softly. "Cain!' He felt a soft hand on his forehead and opened his eyes to see himself looking into worried brown eyes that he thought he would never see again. "Kyoko" he breathed, panting as if he had really run around in the blackness. He felt damp all over from sweat, and reached up to feel tears still cascading down his cheeks. "Kyoko!" he said a little louder "You are alive!" her large brown eyes were large as saucers as she looked at him in a bemused manner. Ren didn't care, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into bed with him, breathing in her sent through the Setsu wig she was wearing. "I love you." He murmured to her "Don't ever leave my side again."

She giggled sweetly "I love you too Nii-san!" Kyoko, ever the professional, was still playing Ren's, or rather Cain's, charming younger sister.

Ren sighed, still gripping her tight. He needed her to understand "No, Kyoko, I love YOU" Her eyes widened as she looked at him. And then slowly he leaned down and kissed the soft warm lips, still slightly open in amazement. To his surprise, and pleasure, she did not push him away, and innocently returned the kiss, as if she had never had one before, which now that Ren thought about it, she probably hadn't.

Ren didn't know how long the kiss lasted, but finally they broke apart. Kyoko looked over Ren to the clock. "Baka!" she said to herself. "We are going to be late! Did you forget? You have to go back to Ten-chan and become Ren again, Yashiro will pick you up to go to a movie shoot that you are scheduled for today." Ren froze.

"What day is it?" he asked cautiously, wanting to have his worst fear denied.

"Friday, why?" she answered getting up and going to the stove. She was making rice omelets, exactly what she had made the day she died.

"You have a Box 'R' shooting today, don't you?" he asked warily. "Don't go." She looked at him in surprise.

"What do you mean, 'don't go.'" She said turning around from her cooking, surprised and starting to get upset. "I have to go, you, of all people, should know that. Ren, You are scaring me, what's going on? Oh, I already placed clothes for you in the bath"

Ren got up and shook his head distracted, trudging to the bathroom "Nothing…" She glared at him and he relented, giving her an answer "I just wanted to spend the whole day with you." He said, being only slightly honest.

She smiled at him sweetly "How thoughtful!" she said cheerfully, "But we cant today, How about tomorrow! Yes?" he nodded dully, 'if you are alive tomorrow' he thought glumly. Ren took a quick shower and finished his transformation into Cain. They would have no more talk of her death right now, but Ren was determined to stop it even if it was something he made up in his head, after all, it could just be a coincidence that it is Friday and she is making omelets. Those aren't fool-proof signs. As Cain stood in front of him in the mirror Ren gasped. He was wearing the same clothes from the dream too. "No" he said out loud, banging his fist against the wall. "She WON'T die!" He used breathing exercises Lory taught him to steady his breathing, calming down and composing himself. Then he walked out of the bathroom

"Who wont die?" Setsu asked him curiously as he came out and sat down at the table.

"Its none of your concern, little sister" Cain said gently, ruffling her hair in a tender manner. "Lets eat, itadakimasu"

After a few moments of quiet Cain broke the silence. "I don't want you walking to work today, Setsu." He said sternly. "Please let me give you a lift."

She looked up at him. "But you start earlier than me today" she said, surprised.

"Its ok," He said, looking at her still firm but loving. "If it's for you, I will be late to work." Kyoko dropped Setsu for a moment shaking her head vigorously.

"No, no, no," she said, "I can't ask you to do that for me, I am just your Kohai" She said, looking down.

"Yes, you are" Ren answered, using his finger to lift her chin so her eyes met his "and you are not just my Kohai, or do I need to remind you?" His eyes were blazing fiercely as he stood up and leaned across the table to kiss the girl again. "You will let me drive you," He said again, and she nodded, defeated. She looked at her watch and jumped up.

"Oh no! Ten-chan is waiting for us!" She said, grabbing both of their half eaten plates and taking them to the sink to be washed. "You go down" she said to him. "I will meet you there in ten minutes"

Cain nodded and put his shoes on a the door "Gochisosamadeshta and Remember," he said before leaving "Setsu is never hurried." And with that he left the girl in their room to clean up from breakfast and started making his way to the parking garage where he was to become Tsuruga Ren, once more.


	3. Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Box-R set, People learn about Ren's confession (Finally)

Chapter 3 - Work

"Did something good happen this morning?" Ren was in the trailer, with Ten-chan helping him get back into his normal character when Yashiro joined them.

Ren looked up "What do you mean?" he asked, eyes dancing.

"You look happy" answered Yashiro, accusingly. "Did something happen between you and Kyoko? Did she confess her undying love for you?" Yashiro came out of his giddy school-girl state with a quick glance at the glare that Ren was now giving him. "Ok, ok, none of the above then. So, what was it?"

"I kissed her" he said, a blush creeping up his face in a very, un-Ren fashion.

"WHAAT! But Ren-darling, I thought you were mine!" Ten stood stock still, a pout temporarily marring her features.

"Of course he is Jelly-chan," said Yashiro absently, watching Ren intently. "So…! Spill!" he ordered.

"It all started with this very vivid dream I had been having," he told Yashiro about the dream, ignoring his questions, trying to puzzle out whether it could happen or not.

"I don't care what happens," Yashiro said at the end of the story, "Ren Tsuruga, if you commit suicide, I will kill you!" Ren rolled his eyes at his manager. "So, you confessed!" Yashiro continued. "And she didn't turn you down! That's a start!"

"I will worry about how she feels tomorrow, for today, I will absolutely not let her be killed!" Ren sat staring out of the trailer window, eyes hard with determination. Ten had finished with not thirty seconds before Kyoko rushed into the trailer.

"I'm sorry for being late Jelly-chan" she said to the shorter woman bowing low in apology.

"Iie, Kyoko-chan, I had just finished Ren," Ten said, ushering the girl into a chair, "You are right on time."

Yashiro turned to Ren, looking at his watch. "We need to leave, or we will be late"

"No," said Ren firmly. "We are giving Kyoko a ride to work." Yashiro looked surprised.

Kyoko looked over from where she was getting her wig taken off and hair fixed. "Please don't be late for me, Ren-san" She said sincerely, Ren's heart leapt at her use of his first name, "I really don't want to be a burden."

Ren went over and gave her a kiss, "You are not now, nor will you ever be, a burden, Kyoko." He said to her, stroking her cheek with one long slender finger. "We will give you a ride today, and that is the last I want to hear of it." The stern tone in Ren's voice took Yashiro by surprise, but Kyoko only blushed and nodded.

Yashiro caught Ren's eye and gave him a questioning look. Ren led the way out of the trailer, not wanting to speak in front of Kyoko and upset her. Once they had closed the trailer door Yashiro turned to the taller man. "Is this because of the dream?" he asked eyes twinkling in amusement.

Ren glared at the short blonde's tone of voice, "It wasn't just a dream. I can feel it. It was so real when I was having it, and then the clothes she laid out for me this morning were the exact ones I wore in the dream, and it was a Friday, and she had a shoot for Box 'R'. " He shook his head, eyes downcast and sad. "There are too many coincidences. You know, that I am not superstitious, but I just get this feeling, that today is different."

Yashiro accepted it without asking anymore questions and leaned against the trailer, arms crossed, looking at the black-haired actor. Yashiro knew better than to show Ren that he was concerned about him, so he kept the worry off of his expression and out of his eyes as he looked at the younger man. "Have you told Kyoko about the dream?" He asked, trying to be as natural as he could.

Ren smirked. "She would go nuts." He said laughing slightly. "She is superstitious. But she is also very focused on doing her work well. You know perfectly well why I can't tell her." Yashiro thought about it, then nodded his agreement.

"True," said the agent. "That is a very valid reason for not telling her. But there are some equally valid reasons for informing her also. It may make her worry, " said Yashiro reasonably, "but it also may keep her on her guard. She also may just brush it off."

Just then Kyoko came out of the trailer, donned in a short jean skirt and a pale pink top with ruffles along the V-neck. Her hair was short and blonde again and she had an old tote over one slender shoulder She looked rather surprised to see the two of them still there. "I thought you had left," she said, happy to see them. "You really didn't have to wait for me, I don't want to cause you any problems." A blush crept up her cheeks and she looked down, highly embarrassed that she had inconvenienced the two.

Ren bent at the waist and used his finger to lift her chin so that her eyes met his. He gently kissed her warm lips "You will never cause me problems." He said gently, resting his forehead against hers and looking into her large golden eyes. "I asked to take you to work, and I will take you to work." He kissed her again as Yashiro silently shrieked with delight. "Lets go," said Ren, opening the passenger door of his car open for the girl. She smiled at Ren as she got in after looking at Yashiro apologetically for a moment. She knew he usually got the front seat, and she felt bad taking it from him, but Yashiro smiled at her, which she took to mean it was fine with him.

Ren was a very safe driver, but he wasn't cautious. He drove fast and was good at watching everything at once. As he drove the ten minutes to the studio he subconsciously laid his hand protectively over both of Kyoko's knees. She blushed at the contact but didn't brush him off. When the three of them arrived at the studio Ren got out of the car when Kyoko did. "I want to speak to your Stage Manager," He said in answer to her questioning look.

The Stage Manager was already at the studio when they arrived, even though Kyoko wasn't called for another hour and a half. Ren said good bye to Kyoko, giving her a long kiss, hoping that it wasn't his last, and went over to the Stage Manager. Kyoko skipped happily off to the dressing rooms wondering only vaguely what Ren wanted to talk to the stage manager about. As she took her costume from the rack she blushed again. Ren loved her. Ren Tsuruga, the greatest actor in Japan, loved HER! She felt that she was so happy she could die! Then she paused, halfway through taking off her skirt, thinking did she love him back? She certainly liked him a lot. He was handsome, and nice, when he wasn't evil, and he was incredibly thoughtful. But did she love him? "I think I could" she said aloud to the empty room. She shrugged and continued changing, blushing again when she took out the necklace she made with the stone he gave her. She really did like him a lot. She may even like him more than she had ever liked Shotaro. Kyoko shook her head, frustrated. No, she would not go falling in love again. It was too painful, and didn't do anyone any good.

When Kyoko had finished changing and went back out onto the set, Ren had gone. She didn't mind though. She would miss him for the few days they had apart, but they would be the Heel siblings again soon enough. She would work hard until then, and make Ren proud. She grasped the necklace with one hand and beamed. Then she walked confidently to where the other early actors were sitting.

"Kyoko!" the show's heroine said sweetly, giving her a hug. "You are here so early." Kyoko smiled down at the girl, returning the hug.

"So are you, Rumi." She said. "Have you been shooting other scenes of yours today?"

Rumi nodded, smiling sweetly. Kyoko could tell why she had been chosen to play the heroine of the show. Her big eyes, and light brown shoulder length hair and her slight frame made Rumi Maruyama one of the cutest actresses Kyoko had ever seen. The long pieces of hair by her face framed it in away that showed off her porcelain skin, and her large chocolate colored eyes looked sweetly from just below her perfectly maintained bangs. The two girls sat down and chatted for a bit while the other actors came in. The girls who played the rest of Kyoko's gang were prompt, as always and one by one came and sat down beside her and Rumi after going to get changed. Yuka came first, long straight light brown hair was perfect, and there wasn't a hair out of place. Honami came next, shoulder length waves in perfect order, and a kind smile on her face. Chiori came last, only minutes after Honami. Her black hair was up and her eyes were eager. "Hello, Sempai" Chiori said sweetly to Kyoko when she came up. Chiori had recently switched to LME and volunteered to be part of the Love Me section, which Lory had specially designed with Kyoko in mind.

"Yes, Hello, how have you been Kyoko?" said Yuka, soft spoken as always.

Honami greeted everyone with something a little more casual. "What's up girls! Ready to kick some Rumi ass today?" She said, tickling Rumi and smiling at her. The four of them played bullies on the television show, but not one of their actual personalities could be described as anything close to an aggressor's. "Did something good happen Kyoko? You are all smiles today" Honami noted grinning at the Kyoko in a playful way

"She came in with Ren Tsuruga," Rumi said happily when Kyoko blushed and didn't say anything. "They KISSED!" the other three girls squealed in excitement.

"You and Ren?" Yuka said longingly, "I am so jealous!"

"But we all knew it was bound to happen eventually," Chiori said, bouncing up and down in excitement. "Haven't you seen the way he looks at her?" she said to the other girls. They nodded profusely. "And Kotonami-san said that he has been looking at her like that for a long time, long before Christmas anyway."

Kyoko looked at Chiori, "Really?" she asked with interest. "Moko said that?" she blushed again when Chiori nodded, smiling.

"We are so happy for you Kyoko!" The four girls said together.

"Spill," Honami said sitting down across from Kyoko. "How did it happen? Where were you? When was it? Tell all!" Kyoko was saved from having to reveal anything about the Heels because at that very moment the Director called them all into order and they started to work.


	4. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Premonition comes true and worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW; graphic violence, rape and assault.

Chapter 4 – Déjà vu

It was well past 11 am when the director, Shinozuke-san, finally let the actors have a ten-minute break. It had been three hours since they started working that morning and everyone was exhausted.

"Anyone want anything from the vending machine?" Kyoko asked, making her way to the hallway where the soda machine stood. Kyoko stood in the doorway for a moment taking count of everyone who wanted something, frowning slightly trying to keep the orders all straight, before she left for the hall.

"Wait, Kyoko!" the stage manager, Tagami-san, said, calling her back to the main stage where everyone was gathered. She looked at him questioningly. "Take someone with you to help carry all of those drinks, you can't do it alone" he said kindly. Ren had told him explicitly not to let Kyoko go anywhere on her own today, the stage manager wasn't sure why, but when Ren asks for something with that much urgency in his voice, you listen.

She nodded and gave the person closest to her, an assistant stage manager by the name of Chyuto, a silent ask for help. Chyuto looked at the stage manager for a moment then went with her. She chatted away with him happily as they made their way to the vending machine and started to get the drinks.

"Chyuto, is that you?" came Rumi's small voice from the dressing rooms, she had to change her costume during this break. "Can you help me? I don't know where my next costume is" Chyuto said that he would bring his half of the drinks back into the main stage and meet her there. Kyoko nodded and continued purchasing drinks.

"Kyoko," Kyoko turned towards the voice, and her heart skipped a beat, she knew that voice, it was Ren. She frowned. No one else was in the hallway. Maybe she imagined it. She shrugged and started gathering up the drinks she had bought for the cast and crew. "Kyoko," Ren's disembodied voice said again. "Let's go!"

"Where are we going?" she asked the hallway, following the voice away from the set and the rest of the cast and crew.

"I can't tell," Ren said

"Why?" asked Kyoko, coming to a door to outside and still not finding anyone. Why would Ren be here? She asked herself absently while smiling. Maybe he finished early, she responded to herself in kind. Maybe he just wanted to see her! She shook her head at the last thought, pausing at the door. He wouldn't leave work just to see her. He was too professional.

"Superstitious" came the voice's reply, so very like Ren's it made Kyoko's heart leap just to think he was nearby. It was true she was superstitious, she thought as she pushed open the door. "Ren?" She asked briefly blinded by the light coming from outside.

Suddenly she felt a sharp nailed hand buried into her hair, clenching at her scalp and pulling her out the door. She dropped the bottles of refreshments she was holding as her hands instinctively reached up to the thing that had her held fast. She was shoved against the concrete of the studio she had just come out of and a different hand held her inches off the ground by her neck, choking her. Kyoko tried with all her might to look for the ones doing this to her, but her eyes wouldn't open against the pressure exerted on her throat.

"Who are you to think you could ever be good enough for Ren Tsuruga?" hissed a female voice in Kyoko's ear. Kyoko tried to say something, but her throat was held tight, and nothing came out. "We saw you this morning, kissing him like the desperate attention seeking piece of filth you are." Said another female voices vehemently in Kyoko's other ear. "Ren will want nothing to do with you, when we are done," said a third malicious female voice, and Kyoko felt the cold steel of a knife tracing diagonally against her cheek, then she tasted something metallic as the liquid ran into her mouth. She felt a yank as something was pulled from around her neck.

Just as the girl was about to pass out, the hand released her and Kyoko crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath. Before she fully caught her breath, a gag was shoved roughly into her mouth, preventing any screams that she made from being voiced. "Lets teach this slut a lesson," said a fourth voice sadistically holding up the necklace. "Did Ren give this to you?" She asked throwing it against the wall, and snarling into the collapsed girl's face. "Too bad your love wont be able to save you from being raped." Kyoko felt a foot standing on each of her upper arms, keeping her from resisting and saw cloth before everything was black. Someone had put a bag over her head. She felt hands, many hands, gripping her costume uniform and tearing it to shreds to get it off of her, and then a knife cutting into her underwear and bra. Her legs were forced in an awkward angle and she heard dozens of different laughs and someone said in a stage whisper, "She is ready, boys!"

Bigger hands grasped her waist and upper thighs, and she felt something long, firm and slimy against her inner thigh. There was a piercing pain in her lower belly as something large was shoved roughly in a place she had never felt before. She tried to scream at the pain, however she only succeeded in forcing the gag further into her mouth. The laughing around her continued as Kyoko struggled against the many hands that held her. She felt kicks to her face, chest, and stomach every time she tried to struggle against her unknown captors, even as the pain turned into a fast throbbing in her lower stomach. The thing pulled out, and she felt something wet across her bare chest. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as something even larger crept its way into the same place, penetrating deeper into her middle. She tried again to call out, but the gag worked its way deeper into her throat. Her breathing became more ragged and she tried desperately to get at the thing that was choking her.

She felt the same throbbing three other times, along with the wetness before the hands finally let her legs go. She felt deep knife cuts in her stomach, and tried to kick at the culprit before feet stood on her thighs, holding them down. She felt a thin dull object plunge deep into her ribcage and her body seized as she tried to cough, each ragged gasp drawing the cloth deeper down her throat. There were gales of laughter at her reaction, and more dull thin objects were plunged into flesh all over Kyoko's body. She felt her face kicked through the bag and her head hit the cement wall hard. Stars popped in front of her eyes and she wondered when this would all be over. But no, she couldn't leave Ren. She loved him. Kyoko knew it now; she did love Ren.

Just as she thought she couldn't take anymore the door opened again and Kyoko felt footsteps hitting the pavement. "Kyoko?" asked a kind familiar voice. "The director wants to start filming again." Kyoko gave a weak cough. "Oh NO!" Rumi's voice said hysterically. "Help!" she called distantly back inside "Please, someone! Help!" The petite girl knelt by Kyoko's naked body and Kyoko felt cloth covering her again. After another moment the bag was off her head and she could see, although not much better because her eyes were swelling rapidly. The door opened again and more voices joined Rumi's. Kyoko didn't want to try to make them out she was too tired. All she wanted to do, was sleep for a long time.

"Rumi, what is it? What happened?" asked Tagami-san , Shinozuke-san and Chyuto-kun all at the same time. Then they caught sight of where Rumi was kneeling beside a Kyoko who's breathing sounded ragged.

"Oh, my god" the director breathed, horrified. "How did this happen?" Then he shook his head, as though trying to get it working again. "Chyuto, call an ambulance," he said with an authority he didn't feel. "Kyoko," he turned to the girl and picked her up gingerly, and cradled her in his arms, "please stay awake sweetie." He said with equal tenderness. He saw a bit of cloth hanging out of her mouth, and pulled it out, pulling out much more than he though was possible to fit in such a small mouth. As soon as the cloth had been removed, she started coughing. Shinozuke held the girl to him until the coughing died. When the coughing finally died, her breathing sounded like it had eased, but not by much, it was still labored and ragged.

Kyoko had only one thought in her head at the moment. She had to tell Ren. No matter what, she had to tell Ren. "…Ren…" she breathed weakly trying to sit up, "Tell… Ren" she said, trying again. She then collapsed into coughs that racked her whole body. She buried her face in Shinozuke's stabile form and gripped the director's white shirt with one hand as her body shuddered violently again, scarlet stained his white shirt.

"Shh." Tagami said, gently forcing Kyoko back down into the directors arms, trying to get her to lie flat. "You will be fine, you can tell him yourself." Kyoko didn't seem to hear him. Only one thing mattered to her at the moment.

"Sensei… Tell…" She tried again, only making some of the words out, "I… love…." She fell silent, eyes closing, chest rising and falling laboriously trying to keep her alive.

"Kyoko?" Rumi said, panicking. "She isn't dead, is she?" she started crying. "She can't be dead!"

"Calm down Rumi," Shinozuke-san said, trying to calm the wailing girl while at the same time making sure that the one in his arms was still breathing. "She isn't dead, she just fainted, probably from the pain"

At that moment an ambulance wailed its way into the lot by them and two men jumped out of the front, two more out of the back, holding a gurney. They took a look at the unconscious girl in the director's arms and carefully took her from the director, immediately laying her on the rolling bed, bringing the covers up to screen her naked body. They carefully put a breathing tube down her throat and strapped her down to the bed. "I am coming with you" Shinozuke said, his authority coming back. "Please call Tsuruga-san, and tell him what happened," he said directly to Tagami-san while getting into the back of the ambulance. The stage manager nodded glumly, not looking forward to telling the tall intimidating man that he had failed in the only request Ren had asked from him.

* * *

Ren was filming with his female costar when Yashiro got the call. The actor had been slightly distracted most of the morning, but when it came down to the actual filming, he was as professional as ever. When Yashiro picked up Ren's phone and turned pale as a ghost, Ren noticed. He didn't move, because they were filming, but he knew in his gut that something had happened.

The director released Ren five minutes later, which to him seemed like the longest five minutes of his life. As soon as he was free to go he headed straight for the door, not even waiting for Yashiro, knowing that his manager would catch up.

"She was attacked, wasn't she?" Ren asked when he heard Yashiro's running footsteps behind him.

"Yes," Yashiro said quietly, then steeling himself he continued. "She is injured very badly, but she isn't dead. However, they also don't know if she will make it." Ren's face paled, but his features were set.

"What hospital is she at?" He asked, getting into his black sports-car.

"Shinjuku" Yashiro answered, getting in the passenger seat. As soon as the door was closed, Ren flew out of the garage. With practiced motions and a determined look Ren took them through the city as fast as the city lights would allow. His eyes would harden every time they were caught at a red light, and by the time they pulled up to the hospital's garage, his brown orbs were ice.

They ran in and found the director, covered in blood, sitting in the waiting area. He looked up as Ren and Yashiro came in. "She is in surgery now" Shinozuke said, forestalling the question. "Who ever did this to her had a nasty sense of humor, she was nearly dead by the time Rumi found her."

Ren sat down, rested his elbows on his knees and put his head into one of his shaking hands, eyes wide and unseeing. Yashiro sat down next to him and put his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

Hours later it seemed, the waiting room started filling up with the cast and crew of Box 'R'. When Tagami-san arrived he scanned the room for the director and walked straight up to where the three men were sitting. "I talked to security." He said, not wanting to meet Ren's eyes. "Takayama-san said that they admitted a group of twenty or so girls in, claiming to be friends of Kyoko's. They are still not sure where the boys that ran out with them came from, apparently there were about six." Tagami-san pulled out a cell phone and Kyoko's necklace. "One of them dropped this," He said showing the others. "This necklace was near where she was found," He said directly to Ren, "I thought you would want it. Ren nodded and took it, then turned back to where everyone else was gathered around the cell phone. There was a picture on the display of the kiss that Ren gave Kyoko that morning in the garage before they left for work. "There is also this." Tagami continued, playing a recording. "Kyoko…..lets go….I cant tell…..superstitious" Ren's voice said clearly from the phone.

Yashiro looked shocked. "Ren, I think they recorded our conversation this morning after we left the trailer," he said finally. Minutes passed in silence before he stated what they all were thinking "They were…" started Yashiro

"My fans…" finished Ren in a snarl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sometimes i feel like a terrible person...


	5. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone waits for Kyoko to wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a medical professional, so any and all notes on medicine are random. please take it with a grain of salt

Chapter 5 – The Hospital

Kyoko was in surgery for five hours. The police had already been called, and were looking into what happened, they were currently at the studio where the attack happened. Eventually someone would have to interview the cast and crew, but as of yet, the police were just talking to the security personnel. Lory had been informed and was now waiting with the rest of the cast, along with Kanae, and the couple that Kyoko had been staying with. Ren was getting more impatient by the second. After what felt like days the doctor finally came out to talk to Shinozuke. Ren, Yashiro, Lory and Tagami all gathered around waiting for news. "Will she be alright?" asked Ren without preamble.

The doctor seemed grim. "We had to put her into a medically induced coma because of how much blood and various other factors. It seems that one of her lungs was punctured by a one of her 4 broken ribs, and there is massive internal and external bleeding. Semen found on her body give evidence to a rape, but we will need to do further examinations to be sure. She has a cracked skull and a massive concussion and her windpipe was severely damaged. There are crude cuts across her lower abdomen, and she has other minor bruises and lesions over her body. We have brought her out of the coma, and if she wakes up she should heal fine." Everyone looked relieved. Everyone, that is, except for Ren.

"What do you mean 'if'?' Ren asked in a steely tone. The faces of the others around him hardened instantly.

The doctor looked as if he was hoping they wouldn't notice that bit. "Her body has received so much trauma in various locals that there is a high possibility of her body just not being able to handle it and collapsing from the stress, leaving her organs to shut down one by one. Even if she does wake up, we aren't sure what kind of mental state she will have. There is an equally high probability that her brain shuts down and her mental state is reduced to it being a handicap."

"What is the probability that she makes it through ok?" asked Lory gravely.

"I would have to say that there is a roughly 47.5% chance of organ failure, and something similar for brain injury. So, if I had to guess, then there is probably a 5% chance that she makes it through all this perfectly." Said the doctor. The faces around him fell. "However, even if she does physically recover, there is not telling what her emotional state will be. There is a 95% chance, if she fully recovers, of there being emotional or mental stress which she will have to deal with, which could take years longer than the actual physical recovery."

"So even if we get her back," said Yashiro depressed, "we still may not get her back."

"She is currently in the ICU, and you may visit, but I can only let 5 of you see her at a time." The doctor said, turning and walking back down the corridor.

A few minutes later a nurse came over to the waiting area. "Are you all here for Mogami, Kyoko?" she asked sweetly? Dozens of heads nodded their response. "Which five of you are going first?" Lory, Ren, Yashiro, Tagami, and Shinozuke all stood up and followed the nurse to the ICU. "She is very lucky to have so many friends to look out for her, poor girl." She said to no one in general. "I cant believe anyone would do something like that to such a sweet looking kid."

As Ren walked into the room she directed them to he muttered under his breath "nor can I." The five men walked into her room and couldn't help but draw in a collective gasp. Kyoko's beautiful face was bruised and purple, and there was a bandage down one cheek. Her hair was dirty and a bandage, which wrapped around her head, covered most of it. There was tube taped to the side of her mouth, going down her throat and was attached to a machine in a corner. Her body was covered by blankets, but there was obviously had been large amounts of damage done there as well.

Her face, which still hadn't been wiped clean, still had tear tracks running down the purpling cheeks, but her eyes were closed, and she looked rather peaceful.

Ren grabbed a chair and pulled it close to Kyoko. He stroked her damaged cheek with one long slender finger. "She's alive." He muttered to himself, only loud enough that Yashiro, who stood directly behind him, could hear. "The dream was almost completely true, but she is alive."

* * *

Ren refused to leave Kyoko's side; he didn't care if she never woke up. He would forever be close to her. After The director, the stage manager, and Yashiro and Lory left, Ren continued to watch the girl sleep and prayed for the moment when she woke up.

When visitor's hours started the next day, Kanae, Rumi, Yuka, and Honami found Ren in a chair next to Kyoko's bed, holding her limp hand. He looked up at the girls, when the entered, but didn't move. Rumi's face was wet with silent tears as she stared down at the stoic figure of her co-star. "I'm sorry, Kyoko," she said quietly, to the floor. "If I had only been able to find my own costume, then Chyuto wouldn't have ever left your side." Ren's hard sad eyes softened for a moment as he looked at the girl.

"None of this was your fault, Maruyama-san," He said to the girl, wiping away a tear with a long finger from his free hand. "You must not blame yourself for something you hand no control over."

Honami and Yuka went to Kyoko's other side, brushing back the hair in her face that hadn't been bound by the bandage. "Why did this happen?" asked Yuka quietly, kneeling down and resting her head by Kyoko's right hand. "How could anyone hurt someone so sweet?" Kyoko was well loved by the cast and crew. Even though she was playing a bully, and her previous role of Mio had given her a bad reputation among the audience, everyone who worked with her knew full well that Kyoko was the complete opposite of the character's she played on the screen.

"Was it because of her character? Did they hurt her because of the person she played on TV?" Honami asked, uncharacteristically quiet. Honami played second in command to the gang that Kyoko's character was the head of, so their characters, and they as actors, were very close.

Ren shook his head, silently agreeing with everything Yuka had said. "No, so far evidence indicates that they may have been fans of mine." He said with a steely edge to his soft voice. "It seems that some of my stalkers saw us together and got jealous." A fire blazed fiercely in his eyes, scaring the three actresses who were looking at him.

Kanae continued to stand silently at Kyoko's feet. Ever since she had met the other Love Me member she seemed to have taken her for granted. She got angry when Kyoko tried to be friends and got annoyed by all of Kyoko's energy. However, seeing her friend lying motionless in the sterile bed made her wish that Kyoko would wake up and be her old self again. Small wet drops fell onto her hands, where she was grasping the end of the bedframe. She put a hand up to her cheeks, momentarily confused, until she felt thin rivers flowing from her eyes. She wasn't even aware that she had been crying until she felt the tears fall onto her passive hands.

Suddenly Kanae felt small thin arms grab her around the waist from the side. She looked around to see Rumi on her left, hugging her tightly. She smiled absently at the girl and then, rather suddenly, she hugged the small girl back tightly, her black hair hiding her face as she dropped her head, not wanting to look at her prone friend lying so helpless anymore. Finally, after a few minutes holding Rumi to her, she bent over, kissed her friend's feet, then turned and left, tears still cascading down her cheeks.

Ren watched Kanae's interaction with Kyoko, only vaguely interested. He thought it was interesting how Kanae didn't say or do anything at the foot of Kyoko's bed, she just stood there, crying. It seemed that she didn't even know she was crying, for after a few moments she lifted her hand to her cheek and looked down at her wet fingers in amazement. After few minutes of the tight embrace between her and Kyoko's fellow actor, someone who, as far as Ren knew, Kanae didn't even know, Kanae bent down to kiss Kyoko's feet and left the room. Ren understood, of course, It was really hard to see someone you care about so very helpless, like Kyoko was currently, and it was just as hard without able to do anything in aid.

A few minutes after Kanae left, Chiori came in, just as silently as Kanae had left. She joined Yuka and Honami at the other side of the bed than Ren. She buried her face in the pillow by Kyoko's head and started crying. "Sempai!" she said, sobbing. "Please wake up!" Chiori had changed greatly since meeting Kyoko, so the fact that her mentor had been hurt this badly had affected her more than Chiori had thought it would. She wanted Kyoko to wake up and smile at her, tell her everything was going to be all right and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Chiori looked at Ren, "Tsuruga-san, Sempai will wake up, wont she?"

Ren didn't know how to answer her. He didn't want to lie to Chiori, but he also didn't want to crush her. "No one knows. All we can do, is pray" Ren said, lips smiling, but eyes still sad.

The four actors stayed for a few hours, but like Kanae, they couldn't stand the helpless feeling for so long, and so one by one, they left. Yashiro came back in the early afternoon, he wanted to check on Kyoko, but also, he wanted to check on Ren. Yashiro was slightly shocked at how awful Ren looked. His hair was untidy and he had he hadn't shaved. There were bags under his red eyes and Yashiro knew without even asking that the man hadn't eaten. "Ren, please go home for a while." Ren shook his head. "At least eat something." Yashiro insisted. Ren shrugged.

"I am not leaving her side." He told Yashiro. "I want to be here when she wakes up." Yashiro noticed how Ren said 'when' not 'if'.

"Fine," Yashiro gave up, "but you will eat." Said Yashiro. "Kyoko would want you to, you know she would. " Ren hung his head guiltily, knowing his manager was right. "How about I go get you something. You can eat while you are watching over her." Ren said nothing, so Yashiro left to get his charge some food.

As Yashiro returned to the room, he found two more people in there in addition to the two he left. He walked around the serious men in suits and handed Ren the onigiri that he bought at the convenience store down the street.

"Yashiro," Ren said, accepting the rice balls, "this is Detective Yamazawa, and Detective Tenshi. They are the detectives in charge of Kyoko's case." Yashiro nodded in understanding. He shook hands with each of the men individually.

"Do you have an update for us?" Yashiro asked, consciously leaving out formalities. The detectives looked at each other uneasily, it was clear they didn't miss the slight on their authority.

After an uneasy silence, one of the detectives, Detective Tenshi, spoke up, directing his speech directly to Ren. "We do, indeed, have a report. Using the report the doctors gave us on her condition, detailing the injuries, we are certain that the majority of the serious injuries were caused by stiletto heels. We think that this is the force that broke her rib to the point where her lung was punctured. Many of the other injuries were made with the pointed toes or heels of similar style women's heels. We have confirmed the presence of semen on the scene, in addition to semen found on her when she was found. DNA analysis has figured out that there are at least three different men involved. We wont know until we do a vaginal examination how many times she had intercourse, if she did in fact have vaginal intercourse and if it was rape or consensual. We would like to do this by tomorrow or else any other semen that may be present will have died. If she hasn't awoken by then, we may need to do it while she is still under."

Ren's eyes hardened at every word the detective spoke. He stood, hand still holding Kyoko's. "You want to do what?" he growled, the steely note in his voice matching the cold look in his eyes. Yashiro put a hand on Ren's shoulder, pushing him back down into his chair with gentle but firm pressure.

"Sit down, Ren," Yashiro said, also glaring at the detectives. "I will handle this." He turned to the men in suits. "If you would please not trouble my actor with this any more," Yashiro said, now so overly formal the detectives looked equally shocked as when he was impolite. "If you gentlemen would please accompany me to the waiting room, we may continue this discussion there."

Ren was rigid in his chair until Yashiro ushered them out, looking back at Ren one last time before leaving. Ren gave the man a thank you look, and then he turned back to Kyoko.

After much arguing, negotiating, and discussing, Yashiro and the detectives came to an arrangement. There would be a vaginal examination allowed, which a nurse or doctor would do, and they would not bother Ren or Kyoko any more with the case. They would deal directly with the manager, Yashiro, or Box 'R's director or stage manager, or the LME president, Lory.

* * *

Ren still refused to leave Kyoko's side even when a doctor came in and said that he needed to an exam on Kyoko on the detective's request. Yashiro had come in earlier and stayed Ren's fury, telling him the negotiation that he made with the detectives. This was the last either of them would have to do with them, Yashiro would take over representation for the case.

Nurses helped place the unconscious Kyoko into a position where the doctor could work easily. They put up a sheet to keep her privacy, something they felt was necessary even if she wasn't awake. Ren stayed where he had been, sitting by her side, his hand on hers. His eyes never moved off of her face, still beautiful even though damaged. A little while later, time didn't mean much in the hospital, the doctor and nurses carefully replaced Kyoko's legs so she was lying undisturbed and unmoving once more.

Ren smoothed Kyoko's hair, and kept her motionless form company, hoping beyond hope she would wake up soon.


	6. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoko is dreaming and cant wake up

Chapter 6 – Escape

Kyoko was lost. The last thing she remembered was hearing Ren's voice during her ten minute break of the Box 'R' filming. And pain. She remembered pain. She gasped, but couldn't catch her breath, red filled her vision and she saw bright dots in front of her eyes. The more she tried to calm down and catch her breath, the faster and ran away from her. For some reason it wouldn't stay in her chest. All the air she sucked in wouldn't relieve the oxygen starvation she was feeling. When the pain finally retreated and she was able to breath again, she found herself curled in a ball, warm. But she couldn't figure out where the warm was coming from. She didn't seem to be wrapped in anything. And yet, she was warm, cozy even. Not warm like it was a hot day, but warm like she was nestled in warm blankets.

Kyoko looked around her, but there didn't seem to be anything there. She started to walk. She walked for what felt like hours, and she saw nothing, anywhere. She continued to walk, and just when she was starting to give up hope, she saw a figure in the colorlessness around her. Running towards the familiar form she yelled "Ren!" Ren turned his head to see where his name was coming from. Then he walked away. "Kyoko" she heard. It was Ren's voice. She was sure of it. She kept moving towards it. "REN!" she yelled again.

"Lets go" Ren's voice echoed from everywhere around her at once. "Can't tell." He said. For some reason, what he was saying sounded strangely familiar to her. "Superstitious." the echo continued. Kyoko continued running. And then, she was falling. She fell through nothing, for an unknown amount of time. Finally she hit an alley. However, she hit the asphalt like she was hitting a mattress. The fall didn't hurt, oddly enough she didn't feel anything. She tried to get up, but an unseen force kept her on the ground. Then she was against a wall, held by her throat.

And then she was watching it all happen. She saw herself being held by and invisible hand up against the wall of the studio she had just come out of. She saw another hand come out of nowhere and rip off her necklace and another force a gag in her mouth. Just as she felt the hand on her throat, she felt something in her mouth, even though she thought she had separated from her body. Then she saw herself being thrown down and her clothes torn off by more unseen hands. She felt her standing body the right side of her body being hit by something hard. It was an eerie sight. One moment she was clothed, and then she was naked. The clothes simply tore off of her body and then vanished into nothing. A bag appeared over her head. And while she could still see everything that was happening to her, she also felt an invisible cloth bag being wrapped and tied around her head.

Then something was penetrating her. It was like solid air thrusting itself hard into her without her acceptance. She saw herself writhe fruitlessly against the invisible binds on her arms and legs. The pushing continued, paining her lower belly. And then she felt something wet on her stomach. She watched herself flinch and struggle and felt something bigger enter her. She tried to turn away from watching her own torture, but some invisible force was keeping her planted. She closed her eyes, but she still felt the pain of the thrusts into her. Four more times she felt the pain and thrusts, but she couldn't watch any of it. And then after one last wet stream on her stomach she felt a deep sharp pain on her ribs. She opened her eyes and saw an invisible point being stuck deep into her chest. More points attacked her entire body. She tried to scream, but again, the gag in her mouth smothered her voice.

Her head hit something hard, and then she was in her body again. She got up, suddenly painless once more. The alley had turned into something else. It wasn't a colorless abyss like it was before. This time it was pitch black. She couldn't see anything, but it didn't bother her much. She didn't really think there was much to see. She started to walk again. Then, without knowing the motivation, she reached out her hand. She felt a doorknob. She turned the handle and opened the door.

The was a roar from behind and Kyoko whirled around. The white of the room she had entered blinded Kyoko's so completely it took a full minute for her eyes to adjust to the new lighting. Standing in the stark room was a monstrous creature. There were no arms and his head was comprised of a jaw that was comparable to a Dinosaur's. There were layers upon layers of teeth, sticking out in every direction like a shark's and the body was closer to that of a sperm whale's. The roar was that of a tiger's, it sounded like it was a vicious and frustrated sound, angry and yet terribly sad at the same time. Kyoko stood stock still for a couple of seconds before coming to her senses. She reached for the door behind her, but it was gone.

She scanned the area quickly, and then spotted a door yards away. There was another cry from the creature and Kyoko looked back at it, feeling slightly sorry for the thing. It was mostly fish, so it must not be happy being out of water, she thought. As soon as the idea of water crossed her mind, the room was filled with it. She felt herself choking, unable to breath because of the water in her lungs. "Ren" she screamed in her head. But he wasn't there. No one was there to save her from drowning.

'The Door!' The door she saw earlier came instantly into her mind. She knew what she must do. That was her mission. Her single objective was to get through that door. She opened her eyes under the water and stared around her, looking. After seconds of agony, she spotted it, still yards away. She tried to swim there, but she knew it was too far. She would drown long before she managed to make it there. Then, suddenly, she felt something under her foot. She was moving fast through the water. She looked around. The monstrous creature, happy to be back in water, was helping her. She nearly gasped in surprise, but her air supply was running out fast, and she didn't have any oxygen left to spare. Her hand touched the cold metal of the doorknob, and she opened it. Water pushed her through into another white room and hit a bed. Then an invisible hand closed the door behind her.

She choked and coughed, trying to eject water from her lungs. Water left, but there was no air to replace it. "REN!" She yelled again, flailing like a fish out of water. The world was going black again, she was going to suffocate on dry land. "REN!" she screamed with all her might.

* * *

Dark had fallen and Ren had nearly dropped off to sleep, his head on Kyoko's hand, when suddenly the hand started to twitch uncontrollably. There was a frantic beeping from the heart monitor beside the bed showing that the rhythmic beats had changed to a quick uncontrollable pace. "Nurse!" he called pushing nurses button anxiously. Four nurses ran into the room, one pushed him to side of the room as they all gathered around Kyoko. Another injected some fluid into the IV in Kyoko's arm. Her heartbeat instantly started to calm down and the twitching stopped. Two different nurses went around to her head and took the pillows away. One of them tilted the girl's head back, and the other gently pulled out the tube that had been helping her breath. They smiled, and then three of the nurses left, taking the machine to help her breath with them.

"Where are they taking that thing?" Ren asked to the remaining nurse who was now checking Kyoko's breathing. He was slightly angry now. "Why did you do that?" There was uneasiness in him, which emanated from the breathing tube being taken out.

"She is breathing on her own." The nurse said. "the tube is hindering her and causing a panic." She finished checking Kyoko's lungs and nodded in satisfaction. "It is still rather ragged but she is breathing on her own." The nurse placed an oxygen tube in her nose, and then left. Ren breathed a sigh of relief. She was breathing. Which must have been a good thing.

* * *

Kyoko awoke, still in the same room. She could breath, but it was hard. She lay down on the bed that she was in and curled up in a ball. "Ren" she sobbed, "Where are you?" She felt someone get into the bed with her and felt big warm arms wrap around her shivering body.

She tried to fight against it, but the strong arms just held her tighter. "shh," said a bodiless voice softly. "Everything is going to be ok."

She wasn't quite sure why, but she knew the voice. It reassured her. She started to relax in the arms holding her. "Ren," she said again softer this time but still crying "I love you." She whispered into the nothingness where she was curled. "Please find me" tears stained the blankets that she suddenly realized were around her. "Please"

* * *

Not five minutes after the tube was removed from her throat, Kyoko curled up into a ball in her bed. Ren was shocked to find that there were tears running down her cheeks. "Ren" came a small voice in the ball, thick with sobs. "Where are you?" Ren couldn't stand it anymore; he got up and climbed into bed with her. He lay on his side and pulled her close to him, his strong arms wrapped around her weeping form.

Kyoko struggled, which confused Ren slightly. Why is she fighting he wondered. He tightened his hold on her. "Shhh," he said softly. "Everything is going to be ok." He felt her start to relax against him and her ball started to uncurl a bit.

"Ren" he heard her say quietly against his chest. "I love you," It was soft, a mere whisper, but he had not imagined it. He had dreamt of hearing her say those words for months, nearly a year. She had said them. She was still unconscious, but she said it. "Please," she continued, he felt his shirt grow damp with her tears, still running freely, "find me. Please" He didn't understand. He had her in his arms. Where was she in her head that made her so turned around?

He settled himself under the covers with her, held her to him. He made sure that he wasn't on her IV when he lay down. He rested his head on the pillows, and shifted his hold on her, keeping a protective hold on her, but not hugging too tightly. He closed his eyes, and within seconds, he was asleep.


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren helps Kyoko with her dreams

Chapter 7 - Nightmares

The next morning Ren awoke with Kyoko still nestled in his arms, her body stretched long and pressed close to his as if searching for something unknown. The tears had stopped, but she clung to Ren subconsciously, as if grasping for something solid in what he assumed was a black abyss. He continued to hold her against him, kissing her head as her continuing whimpers rose in insistency, then started finally started to quiet, replaced by her ragged and still labored breathing. The nightmares that haunted the girl seemed to be keeping her trapped in a state of terror.

Ren smoothed her hair and kissed her forehead, then gently placed his lips on hers. He wished that he could do something for her. Seeing Kyoko like this made his heart hurt terribly. He closed his eyes and held her close to him, trying to comfort her with his own sturdy certainty.

He wasn't sure how long the two of them lay like that; it could have been hours, or mere minutes. Kyoko's nightmares seemed to fluctuate in a chilling manner. Sometimes she whimpered and shivered uncontrollably, grasping at his shirt as if for dear life. At other points she would just huddle into him with an unwavering strength, breathing fast and labored. At some other points she would relax against him, exhausted from the dreams that plagued her.

Ren heard many footsteps enter the room, and opened his eyes, not moving his head from where it rested on Kyoko's. The three men entered and stood on the opposite side of the bed, so that Ren could see them clearly. Lory and Yashiro looked at Ren, worry etched deep in their eyes. He gave a weak smile in answer to their unasked question. He knew they were worried about him, for he had not left Kyoko's side since she was brought into the hospital three days earlier, but he didn't care. He could tell that Kyoko was fighting her way back to him, and she needed all the support he could give her, even if she didn't know he was there. She had started breathing on her own again, and now it was only a matter of time until she woke up.

The director silently held up a newspaper so that he could read the headline. It was the front page of the paper from the day before. "Actress Attacked by Angry Fans" the headlines said. The subheading read "popular actress from the show 'Dark Moon'; Kyoko, still in a coma from an attack outside a studio yesterday." Ren looked down sadly at the girl in his arms. Tears fell on her hair when he caught the headline of a smaller article. "Director for show "Box 'R'" declared it to do be postponed indefinitely following attack of one of the lead actors."

Ren looked up at the director, grateful for his understanding and flexibility for Kyoko's recovery. He didn't know what to say, which was a first for him as Ren Tsuruga. He felt Kyoko start to tremble in his arms again and looked down at the petite girl, crying against him. He held her close against him once more, looking up at Yashiro and Lory as if to tell them that this was the reason he wouldn't leave her side. All three looked confused and concerned.

"It started last night" He said tenderly watching her. "At around the same time she started to breath on her own." He looked at her lovingly. "I can't leave her to fight this battle alone. No, I won't leave her. She has faced enough alone, she doesn't need to do this alone too." Yashiro looked at Ren gently with something close to pity in his eyes.

"She doesn't even know you are there, Ren." He said softly watching the girl tremble in Ren's arms.

"I think she does." Said Lory also watching her. "She just may not know it is Ren, or how to reach him, but she definitely knows that he is there." Lory seemed less perturbed, and more interested in what he was seeing. There was some concern behind his eyes, but it was fascination and curiosity that was the main focus of his gaze. "Yashiro, look how she grasps at Ren's chest. She clutches him as if she is afraid to let go. She definitely knows something or someone is there. I believe that she is using the strength Ren is providing to help guide her through whatever labyrinth she is currently trapped in within her mind." Yashiro and Shinozuke looked at Lory in amazement. "I was a psychology major in university." He explained easily with a shrug. Ren seemed the least surprised by this news of Kyoko's plight. It was a fact he had been sensing from her since the night before.

"Is there any way to help her wake up?" Ren asked watching the trembling girl in his arms. Lory shook his head sadly.

"There is nothing more you can do" Lory said gently. "All you can do is support her, this is a fight she has to finish herself." Lory knew it wasn't what Ren wanted to hear, but it was the truth.

Yashiro reached down and put a hand on Ren's shoulder. "You can't help her if you pass out from malnutrition" he said, slightly gingerly. He spotted the bag of uneaten onigiri he bought for Ren the day before. "When was the last time you ate?" Ren shrugged his free shoulder. He didn't want to eat anything that Kyoko hadn't made for him. "You need to eat." Yashiro said with a stern edge to his soft voice. Yashiro left to go back to the convenience store down the street from the hospital. He returned ten minutes later to find Ren in the same position holding a now motionless Kyoko, but the president and director had left. He sat down in a chair looking at Ren's horizontal figure, unwrapped one of the fresh rice balls he bought, and passed it to his charge. Begrudgingly Ren took the snack, glad Yashiro didn't get him anything that needed to be eaten sitting up. Ren assumed that his manager knew that Ren would just refuse the food if it caused him to have to leave Kyoko. "I am not leaving until you eat at least two of the onigiri I bought you." Yashiro said to the young man. "I know you don't care about your own health, but I do, and Kyoko does too."

Ren glared at Yashiro for a moment, resenting the man for bringing the one he loved, who was currently in his arms, into the conversation. But then he looked at her, and nodded. He knew that Yashiro was right, of course. And at least Yashiro hadn't suggested he go back home again. He had slept the night before, so that wasn't an issue, but he wouldn't leave to go eat. Just as Ren finished the first onigiri, Kyoko started to quake once more. Her sobs were harder than they had been since the night before and her whole body was shaking violently.

Yashiro watched as Ren held the clearly terrified girl to him, hugging her tenderly, but firmly in his strong arms. He put one large hand on her head as she buried it in his chest. Yashiro saw her legs curl up under her, clearly trying to make herself as small as possible. "shh, its ok Kyoko" Ren whispered in her ear softly and with more tenderness in his voice than Yashiro had ever heard before. "Everything is ok, I am here, Shhh, I'm here." The agent could hardly believe what he was seeing. Kyoko's quivers gradually stopped, and her body relaxed, even more slowly. Her breathing still sounded choked with sobs, but it too was starting to ease. Ren did seem to have some sort of soothing effect on the girl. When Kyoko's sobs finally ceased completely Ren looked at Yashiro. Yashiro understood now why the young man wouldn't leave her. He did seem to have a soothing effect on her nightmares. Yashiro sighed and unwrapped the other rice ball. Ren ate what the older man offered him but the two onigiri didn't fill the whole that had been growing within him each moment that Kyoko stayed asleep. He wasn't sure what he would do if she slipped so deep into the web within her mind that she never awoke.

Yashiro got up and went to the door, looking back at the pair. "She loves me, Yashiro," Ren said to the retreating figure, looking at the older man with silent tears running down his cheeks. "How can I leave her like this now that I know that she loves me too?" Ren went back to the girl he loved who remained pressed against him. Yashiro hung his head in defeat, and left the room.

* * *

Kyoko didn't know how long she lay static in the midst of the warm blankets atop the bed. She opened her eyes and felt a comforting pressure around her. She clutched at it, trying to pull it closer, find whatever it was she was using for such comfort. She looked around and found that she was still in the sterile white room where she started. She got up and looked around, after a moment's hesitation, she realized that she had no idea where she was. The place that she thought was a room, didn't seem to be anything at all. It was a sterile white, but instead of walls, there was just more white, going on forever.

Kyoko ran. She needed to find an escape. She kept running for as long as she could. She didn't know how long she continued to move. There were no clocks, no sun, nothing in which to tell the passage of time. There wasn't anything anywhere to tell the passage of distance either. She was running within a white abyss that didn't change no matter where she looked.

If she had to guess she would say it had been two hours since she started running when she finally saw something. A familiar figure was walking away from her. As she grew closer she noticed that she was gaining fewer and fewer feet on the figure in front of her. She looked down to see that she had small chubby legs. The figure in front of her seemed more menacing now. "Mother?" Kyoko asked quietly. The figure didn't turn, but there was a pause, which told Kyoko that her hunch had been right. "MOTHER" she yelled in a small child's voice. She was five again, and her mother was abandoning her without an explanation. She whimpered slightly before breaking out into full sobs. She curled up and trembled, wanting her mother. Strong invisible arms held her to something she could not see.

Her sobs waned in the grip of the invisible arms, and finally she relaxed enough where she could stand and continue on her way. However, when she stood, the abyss she was in was different. She found herself in black. The only thing she could see was a small light that looked far, far away. She walked towards it slowly, cautiously, afraid of what could possibly be lit.

The worst moments of her life were being highlighted to her, one after another, and she didn't know how much more she would be able to take. She decided that it would be a terrible idea to go into the light. She started to look around, searching for another way out. She was determined not to go into the light. She turned her back on it and ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Soon a light started growing clearer in the distance. She shook her head; no, she wasn't going to let it catch her. She turned around again and started running again. When all she could see was black, she turned ninety degrees to the left, and ran that way. Her breathing became ragged as she continued to run. The light came into the distance, just able to be seen through the all consuming black, she turned around completely once more and ran again, as fast as she could. She kept running, and nothing came into sight. She grinned happily and ran faster into the black. As soon as she picked up her pace she saw a light coming out of the black around her. She cried out in frustration and fell to the ground in a heap. Tears were flowing freely again and she didn't try to stop them. She was trapped. She knew it. She had nowhere left to go, there was no way out. She let her frustration flow out of her with her tears. She didn't know where to turn.

The grip that had loosened around her tightened once more and she clutched gratefully at the fabric she felt against her cheek, grabbing it and not letting go. Whatever this comforting force was around her, she didn't want to leave it. She wanted to hole up here forever, not face her memories, or the aches that her body was still feeling, and she definitely could not face the torture she had endured again, for the fourth time since entering this place. Every time it was the same, she saw things happen to her body as if disconnected to it, but still felt everything.

She kept calling for Ren but he hadn't come for her. He left her to be raped and tortured, over, and over again. Even if she did see him again she didn't know how she would face him. After everything that had happened, would he ever look at her the same way?

Her sobs subsided, and she sat up. She found herself in Ren's apartment. "Ren?" she looked around large and familiar home. She heard someone giggle. "Ren?" she said again, making her way into the kitchen. Ren was sitting at the table, smiling, there was a woman in his kitchen. She had long light brown hair, she was tall, thin and lovely. The woman set down a plate in front of the actor. "Here you go, darling" she said, giving Ren a swift kiss on the lips. She set her own plate next to his and sat down next to him.

He took a bite and looked at the woman with joy in his eyes. "It's delicious, love." He said to her, "The best I have ever eaten". Kyoko felt like her heart was being pulled from her chest.

"Ren?" she asked quietly, not wanting to believe what she saw. Ren didn't look at her.

The woman took Ren's hand and led him over to the couch. She was much taller than Kyoko was, Kyoko thought dully. The woman looked good with Ren, she had to admit to herself. She looked older than Kyoko was, and looked much more sophisticated.

The woman sat Ren on the couch and straddled his hips, her skirt bunching up by her thighs. Kyoko hated to see the smile on Ren's features as the strange woman unbuttoned her blouse, and then started to unbutton Ren's shirt kissing his chest at every button. She reached his belt and Ren let out a groan. "I bet she never did this for you" the woman said sweetly, unzipping his trousers and pulling his hardened member from his boxers. She took him in her mouth and started evoking moans of pleasure from the man Kyoko loved.

"No…" Ren said in a strangled voice. Then he stared straight at the still watching Kyoko, "She wasn't worth someone like me," He said without a waver in his voice.

"Ren?" Kyoko said in a small voice. The woman finished with her mouth and continued stroking Ren with one hand while with the other she reached under her skirt to do something Kyoko couldn't see. "What about me?" the woman said, moving up his hips to a specific spot and lowering herself down slowly. They both let out a moan of pleasure and she started raising and lowering her hips, while pressing her bare chest against his.

"Oh, yes. Yes. Yes!" he panted, his hips coming to meet hers. "Kyoko is nothing to you." He pressed his lips against the woman's in a deep sensual kiss.

There were tears flowing down Kyoko's cheeks now. "NO, NO, NO!" she yelled running out of the room where Ren and the unknown woman were having sex. She ran out of the apartment door and found herself face to face with Ren. "Why?" she asked, shaking violently with sobs. "Why her? Why not me?" Ren gave her the cool look she knew so well. He was angry.

"Why not YOU?" he asked with the cold smile still in place. "You, are worthless, you are just a third rate actress, doing third rate jobs. You will never measure up to the likes of me. Your parents didn't even want you, why would I?" Kyoko fell against him, sobbing her heart out. He pushed her off of him and she fell to the ground, still crying. He was saying everything she most feared. Her mother didn't love her, Sho only used her, and now Ren had only been playing with her. "Who do you have to wake up to?" his voice turned into Sho's "Ren ditched you, and I never wanted you, why even wake up? Why stay alive?"

The voices in her head made her tremble and quake on the ground, tears soaked her skin through her clothes. The arms around her, which had momentarily let her go, gripped her fiercely again. "Shh," a familiar voice said from nowhere, "It's ok, Kyoko." She felt her head against something soft, and buried her head in it. "Everything is ok, I am here. Shhh, I am here," said the voice.

"Wake up, Kyoko. It's time to wake up now." It took Kyoko quite some time to calm down this time, but almost as soon as she started to relax and was about to get up again she heard the disembodied voice once more. Wake up? This confused her. She was awake wasn't she? Then she remembered Sho saying that no one wanted her to wake up. Was she asleep?

She looked around. The place she was in was a colorless gray abyss once more. She turned to her right. There was a white door with bright blue light coming from the cracks around the door. She looked to her left there was another white door with a deep red light coming from its cracks. She didn't know which door to choose. She sat down on the floor and put her head in her hands.

She didn't know what to do. Should she go back? Or should she stay? Should she try the other door? Was Sho right? Did anyone want her to wake up? She thought of Alice, and Moko, and Sagawara, and Shinozuke, and Rumi, and Honomi, and Yuka, and Chiori, and Lory, and Yashiro, and Ren. She thought of Ren. Even if he didn't want to see her again, she wanted to see him again, that was for sure. Even if he wanted to have nothing to do with her, even if she had to find a different way to die when realizing Ren does not, in fact, love her. She didn't care. She had to see him once more. She got up, turned to her right and opened the white door. She stepped through the blue light.

She opened heavy eyes and saw a figure lying beside her. "Ren?"


	8. An End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren wakes up but he's not where he thought he was

Chapter 9 – An End

_"Ren?" Kyoko said, waking up and looking up at his sleeping face. He felt himself try to stir, he felt her heavy on his chest, his arms felt useless. But he heard her voice and pulled himself awake._

"Ren!" The voice turned masculine. A familiar, stern, but friendly, masculine voice. 

Ren gave a great inhale as he awoke, but the familiar scent next to him had disappeared. He tried to pull Kyoko closer to him but he found his arms heavy and unwilling to obey him. Something was wrong. Ren opened his eyes to find himself looking up at bright fluorescent lights. "Kyoko?" He murmured in a hoarse voce. Where was she? She couldn't have gotten up, she was in no condition.

"Kyoko is dead," said a gentle but stern voice to his right. He looked over to see Yashiro watching him.

"But, she was getting better," Ren said confused, getting up. "She had just woke up I heard her. Did she die in the middle of the night?"

The gaze Yashiro bestowed upon him was filled with pity, and sadness. "Ren, Kyoko died 15 days ago when a group of crazed fans attacked her. She died at the scene. She never made it to the hospital, her injuries were too severe." Ren wouldn't hear it.

"No," he said, shaking his head, not willing to accept the truth. "I was holding her in my arms just last night. I had a dream that she was attacked and killed, and she ended up attacked, but not dead." Ren sat up and looked down at himself in surprise, barely comprehending what was going on, studying the patient gown he was in. "What's this Yashiro?" he held up his arm with the I.V. in it. "I wasn't the one in bed. I was only in bed because _Kyoko_ was having nightmares." There was a pitying look on Yashiro's face that Ren didn't like. "I held her in my arms to ease her dreams, I wasn't a patient, so why am I in a gown?" he shook his head. he didn't care about the answer, he guessed it was something to do with him not eating while at Kyoko's side. Did he pass out again?

It didn't matter now anyway. He needed to find Kyoko. He ripped the I.V. from his arm and headed, unsteadily, out the door.

"I need the room for Mogami, Kyoko" He said to the nurse once he reached the ward's nurses station. Yashiro came up behind Ren, the interception he had planned didn't go the way he meant, as the large man was surprisingly coherent after having spent so long asleep.

"Lets go back to your room, Ren," Yashiro said quietly, giving the nurse an apologetic look. "You aren't going to find her room, she is gone" he took one of the actor's arms and started steering him back the way they came. "I think Kyoko being alright was a dream." He said softly once they were back in the plain white room. He pushed a still dazed Ren down to the bed, and pulled up a chair to sit between Ren and the door.

"But, I had told her that I loved her" he said, tears streaking down his cheeks now. "She loved me back." He tried to explain to Yashiro. "She was waking up, we were going to be happy!" Ren was throwing things now. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" he yelled, thick rivers running down his cheeks. Yashiro calmly held down the nurse's button and within seconds one came in, probably already on her way because of the noise. Without a word she took a prefilled syringe from her pocket, un-capped it, and grabbing Ren's arm which was now holding a pillow, she plunged the needle and medicine deep into his muscles.

Seconds later Ren had collapsed onto the bed. He looked wearily at Yashiro then down at his wrists, which still had bandages on them. "If she truly is gone," Ren said tonelessly, "I must…." He didn't finish the thought. His muscles felt heavy and ached with weariness. His mind, however, was perfectly alert.

Yashiro sighed and went over to the bed, placing a hand on Ren's shoulder. "What you need to do is get some rest. You will be more level headed when you have had some rest. Level headed and rational." Ren nodded without giving a thought to what he was agreeing to. He closed his eyes, wanting to see his love again. She was there, as Kyoko, as the angel, as Mio, as Setsu, and (Ren felt his heart grow cold) dead on a slab in the morgue. Then the dead girl got up and beckoned to him. He nodded, sure of what he had to do.

When Ren opened his eyes, Yashiro was nowhere to be found. The sky outside the window was growing dark, so he figured he must have fallen asleep. He got out of bed clumsily, his muscles still heavy from the drug and pulled out the new IV in his arm. He started searching the room for anything that could be lethal. Unfortunately, he couldn't find anything that would be considered close. He went to the window, he seemed to be on the fifth floor, and there was concrete below him. That would work. He tried the window but it was sealed shut.

Of course, he reminded himself, he was probably still on suicide watch, because that is what they brought him in for. Damnit! He swore to himself. If only Yashiro had let him die a he initially tried. He sat down on his bed to think. Then looking at the covers he got an idea. He started twisting a crude noose from the small blanket, thank goodness he had once played a sailor, he thought to himself ruefully as he worked. All he needed to do was suffocate. To do that it didn't take much. He really just needed to make himself pass out while leaning forward with a loop around his neck. As long as it was tied to something. He tied the loose end to a bar below the head of the bed, and lifted the head of the bed so it was in a sitting position. Then he put pillows behind his back to push him forward and tried it out. He tried going limp against the upright bed and pillow behind him. He naturally fell forward. _That would do_ Ren thought to himself, and he slipped the noose around his head and tightened it to the point where he started choking. He sat there, slumping forward against the crude noose, world growing dark around him. Ren's consciousness was just fading away when Yashiro opened the door. 

"Ren?" he thought heard Yashiro's voice asked, confused when he noticed Ren wasn't in his bed. "Shit… REN!" he yelled. And then the tall man's head flopped forward, limp.

"Am I dead yet?" He asked to no one in particular, as consciousness returned to him.

"You gave it your best shot, but no" Said an angry voice beside him. Ren opened his eyes and turned his head painfully to see Yashiro glaring at him. Ren returned the glare with blank look.

"Why not?" he asked, unnervingly emotionless. "Why wont you just let me die?" there was a small plea in his voice at the last words.

Yashiro sighed and looked to the other side of the bed. "You can't leave yet," said a voice he hadn't heard in a long time. "Think of your mother."

Ren turned his head the other way to see Kuu sitting in another chair beside his bed. "You called my father?" Ren asked Yashiro, not looking at him.

"No," said Kuu, "Lory did." He sighed and looked at his son in an uncharacteristically gentle way. "He told me what happened to Mogami, Kyoko. I was sorry to hear it, she was a good girl." There were tears running down Ren's cheeks again. "I also understand that this is now the second time you have tried to kill yourself to join her." Ren met Kuu's gaze unflinchingly. "Kuon," Kuu said, using Ren's given name, "Killing yourself over a girl isn't rational. Find yourself a new girl, move on with your life."

Ren laughed bitterly. "Find a new girl?" he said to his father, "I don't think you understand what she meant to me." Ren shook his head. "I was in love with her, am in love with her. I love everything about her." Then he looked back at his estranged father with piercing eyes. "What if your fans killed mom?" He said directly. "I know you would do anything for her, but would you die to be with her?" Kuu looked at the ground.

"Yes, I would." he said after a moment's pause, and then continued ignoring Yashiro's small noises of protest. "If we were in your position and your age, yes, I would."

Ren didn't show any expression on his face. "I thought so." He said indifferently. "So let me go to be with my one true love, like you would for yours." Ren lay down and stared at the ceiling.

Kuu exchanged a look with Yashiro that was clearly concerned for Ren's mental state. "Yashiro, why don't you leave for the night," Kuu said, looking at the agent closely. "I will watch him tonight, keep him from doing anything stupid," Kuu looked at his son fondly but not without sadness. Yashiro nodded, grabbed his coat, and left.

Kuu went to the bathroom quickly then came back and sat down next to the bed. Hours dragged by, but Ren couldn't sleep. He just stared at the ceiling thinking about Kyoko. Kuu looked at his son with a critical eye. "Why don't you take a hot shower, that may have the soporific effect you are looking for." Ren shrugged listlessly and moved towards the bathroom. He closed the door and was halfway out of his clothes when he noticed a small glint of light on the sink. He turned to study the reflection he was seeing, and found that he was looking at a box-cutter blade. New and sharp. It must have been a final farewell gift from his father, who always carried a box-cutter with him.

He took it and stepped into the shower, turning up the hot water. Kuu listened as he heard the water start to run, and knew that Ren must have found the present that he left for him. He knew he wasn't a good father for the majority of Ren's adult life, so now he was giving him the gift of being with the one he loved. Kuu sighed and put his head in his hands, tears coursing down his cheeks. He never thought that his final act as a father was to allow his son to commit suicide, but he couldn't think of anything better to do.

Ren sat down in the small shower and raised the small blade to his bandaged wrist. A smile came to his lips. He could almost hear Kyoko calling his name. "I'm coming Kyoko," He said, and he dragged the sharp knife hard on his a bit of his wrist that wasn't bandaged. Ren felt a sense of bliss wash over him as his bleeding wrist fell to the wet shower floor. Warm water mixed with his warm blood and he watched it for a few moments as the mixture ran down the drain. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the tile behind him. He could hear her voice whispering his name "Ren." He felt arms wrap around him as blackness began to engulf him. He assumed the arms were those belonging to death but the voice coming from the blackness was familiar "Ren" it said louder. Ren melted into the embrace letting it take him.


	9. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoko is back in Ren's arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so initially this chapter and the previous chapter were switched. i wasnt sure if i liked it, so i tried it this way. tell me what you think, i may switch it back.

Ren heard his name said in a voice he longed to hear and woke up instantly. He looked down to the girl in his arms and saw her stirring in a different manner than she had before. He released her to get a better view of her and saw that her eyes were blinking slowly with sleep, and her head was attempting to look up to his. He could also tell that every move she made caused her great pain. He smiled fully for the first time since the morning they had parted, and felt relief wash over him.

"Don't try to speak," he said, forestalling the questions he knew she was about to ask. "There will be time for questions, but not now." He held her head with one hand and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I love you, Kyoko" he said as he pulled away and settled back against the pillow, "and I will be here when you wake up again. So why don't you get some more rest." She smiled and nodded at him, eyes already closing again. Her head rested against his chest and she slipped back into a sleep that was more restful and peaceful than any she had experienced in the past four days. 

It was after she fell back asleep that Ren looked around the room and oriented himself once more. He was too preoccupied with Kyoko's stirring form to notice what was going on or where he was, or rather, where he wasn't. He looked down at his wrists and found no hint of the tragic days before, where Kyoko was dead and gone. He wasn't in the shower where he remembered slitting his wrists. He wasn't cold, or wet, or depressed. All he felt was warmth. In his body and in his heart. He wanted to squeeze the girl in his arms closer to him for reassurance, but didn't want to wake her up. His dream was over, at last, he had returned to the one he loved. The world had returned the one he cherished to his arms. He settled in next to her and closed his eyes and drifted off to a light snooze. 

* * *

When she awoke again she found that she was slightly more alert this time. She blinked a few times and looked up, seeing Ren's sleeping face beside her, hair covering his face. She reached up with one arm to brush hair back from his face and saw a tube going into her arm. She leaned up and kissed his thin relaxed lips, closing her eyes, and running one thin hand down his cheek. She felt the arms around her hug her tighter and felt the lips she was kissing return the kiss passionately. She felt him pull away and opened her eyes. He was looking at her, smiling. "Not too much right now love," he said gently. "I don't want to get carried away while you are in no condition." She nodded and rested her head against his chest again, listening to his breathing. She felt a rumble in the large chest and looked up to see that he was chuckling. "Comfortable?" he asked her, meeting her eyes. She nodded into his chest. She lay there with her head on his chest, closing her eyes and relaxing into the rhythm of his breathing.

The next thing she knew Ren was hushing someone who apparently had entered the room. "She is sleeping." He said so softly that she could barely hear him. She heard another familiar voice who wasn't keeping the volume of his words. "Ren, she has been sleeping for five days, that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat."

"Yashiro?" she said quietly into Ren's chest. She felt Ren sigh. She looked up to see Ren's eyes glare at someone she couldn't see. She tried to turn her head, but found it painful. She tried to roll onto her back but let out a small gasp of pain.

"Kyoko?" Ren looked at her worried. He watched her struggle to move. "What are you trying to do?"

"Yashiro," She said again, voice raspy from disuse, and tears in her eyes from frustration and pain. Ren sighed and helped Kyoko onto her back. When he was done her eyes closed by themselves. She seemed to be exhausted from exertion of the small movement. Her breathing was still rather shallow and labored. She fell into a light sleep, her head trying desperately to reach Ren's chest again, which was now too painful to reach. Noticing this, Ren rearranged himself so that his arm was under her head instead, his free arm still holding her close to him.

"She is awake." Yashiro said quietly now, almost completely dumfounded. Ren nodded, trying not to wake the sleeping girl.

"She woke up last night after you left. She nearly immediately fell asleep again. This is the second time she has woken up since then." Ren explained. He kissed her lips gently, smiling "She is starting to recover." He said happily.

Kyoko's eyes fluttered open and she looked around as best as she could. She was lying nearly completely flat so it was difficult to see anything around her. Especially since her head still wouldn't move very well. "Yashiro," she said again hoarsely.

Yashiro came into her field of vision, looking extraordinarily relieved. "How are you feeling, Kyoko?" he asked her gently. She moaned in response and started to say something else.

"Now is not the time," Ren said, forestalling her questions again. "You will know what happened, but not yet" He shot Yashiro a look that clearly said 'she doesn't need to know now, don't you dare tell her' and then looked back at Kyoko, with a loving look in his eyes.

Yashiro got the hint. "That's right, Kyoko," He said "Let your body heal some more before taking on the burden of the truth." His tone was light, but there was a stern and gentle look in his gaze that clearly told her not to push. She nodded and tried to curl up into the position she had been in before, tucked against Ren. The man tried to help as gently as he could and when she was back in her original position, she was so exhausted again that she immediately fell back asleep.

A few hours later a nurse came by. She told Ren that she didn't mind the two sharing the bed, in fact she was watching and he seemed to help her out a lot, but every so often they needed to change positions. When Ren switched to the other side of Kyoko she awakened, and gave a cry of protest when they tried to turn her to her other side. When they finally managed to get her up against Ren on the opposite side, she slithered closer to him, whimpering from pain. He stroked her head and tenderly caressed her back until the cries stopped and she fell into a deep sleep.

She slept the entire next day, scenes of her dream replaying in her mind; Ren having sex with the unknown woman. Ren telling her that she would never be good enough for him. Ren, telling her that she was worthless. Sho, telling her that it would be better if she never woke up at all. She awoke with a start, her mind clearer than it had been since the accident. She knew what had happened and she felt dirty and violated. She still had her head pressed up against something warm. She looked up to see Ren's sleeping face and felt a stabbing pain in her heart. She pushed him away, ignoring the pain and turning over so her back was to him. She curled up into a ball again, resting her head on her drawn-up knees.

Ren woke up to small hands pushing him away. Kyoko was in a ball, hugging her knees to her chest as if for dear life, her body quaking with sobs. "Kyoko?" he asked quietly, placing a large hand gently on one of her shivering shoulders. "What happened?" she flinched away from him, trying to make herself as small as she could, and get as far away from him as she could. Ren pulled his hand away from the quivering girl. "Kyoko, did I do something?" he asked cautiously, wondering what on earth he could have done.

He heard a small voice whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, " to herself over and over. At that moment Yashiro came in for his daily visit. He was a little later than usual because no one told him that Kyoko had been moved out of the ICU. He had to go back to the front desk and ask where she happened to be.

Yashiro looked at the terrified girl in surprise. "Did you do something, Ren?" he asked bewildered. Ren sat up and shrugged, equally nonplussed. Yashiro knelt down beside the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. "What happened, Kyoko?" he asked her gently, "What's wrong?" Kyoko's red watery eyes met his eyes for a moment, then she shook her head still muttering her two word mantra. 'I'm sorry'.

Kanae entered at then, having heard that Kyoko had woken up. She looked at the sobbing girl for a moment, then glared at Ren, who was still sitting up in bed next to her. "What did you do to her?!" she said storming over to the broad-chested man and grabbing his shirt. "Why is she crying like this."

Ren glared at Kanae in reproach. "I didn't do anything, ok?" he said defensively. "I was holding her, like I had been since her nightmares started, when suddenly she woke up and pushed me away." He looked at Lory, who had appeared in the doorway behind Kanae.

"Hmm," the president said pensively watching the girl for a moment. "She doesn't seem to be angry at you." The other three looked at him in surprise. "Listen to what she is saying. 'I'm sorry'. " They all paused for a moment, listening to the weeping girl's repeated apologies. "I think she may feel ashamed of something. You said she woke up initially two days ago, right?" Ren nodded. "It is possible that she remembers what happened. She could also have been having nightmares relating to you, Ren." Ren and Yashiro exchanged horrified looks.

"What do you mean, nightmares relating to me?" He asked Lory reproachfully.

Lory addressed Ren. "You are her most important person, Ren" he said, calmly, "Given what I know of her personality, it may be that her subconscious gave her reason to believe that you would not want to be with her now that this happened and gave her a nightmare to that effect."

Kanae still didn't seem to understand.

"But why would the attack make her ashamed?" Kanae asked angrily. " Or make Ren think less of her? She didn't do anything wrong!" Ren looked at the president in surprise.

"Didn't you tell her?" Ren asked the older man in disbelief.

"Given the fragility of the situation," Lory replied without emotion "I thought it would better not to, previously that is"

Kanae was getting angry again. "Tell me WHAT?" she said, nearly yelling the last word.

Ren looked squarely at Kanae for a moment before looking back at Kyoko with a tender expression in his eyes. "Kyoko was raped during that attack" He said softly, with sorrow evident in his voice. "Multiple times"

Kanae looked down at her friend who was still sobbing in distress with a new expression on her face. It seemed like a mix between pity, sorrow, and fury. "How could someone do something like that to someone so innocent?" She asked angrily.

'RINNGG!' Kanae, Ren and Yashiro all looked around at Lory. He looked at them in confusion for a moment 'RINNGG!' "Oh," he said, realizing why they were staring at him. He took out his custom cell phone and flipped it open. "Moshi, Moshi" he said. "un….uuhn…un…." he hung up the phone. Everyone continued to stare at him. He turned on the TV to a news channel for celebrities.

"This just in," said the news woman cheerfully, "A group of women of all ages admitted to the attack of actress Kyoko" the shot switched to a random selection of about two dozen women, the youngest looked like they were in their mid teens, and the oldest well into middle age. The woman in front who was speaking looked in her early twenties and she wore a contemptuous look on her face.

"Yes, that is correct." She said proudly "We are responsible for the attack and murder of that slut of an actress." The smirk she wore was echoed throughout the group of women. "Why?" She asked to the reporter's unheard question. "Do you see the characters she plays? No one can play those types of roles if they weren't that way already, and no one like that deserves to be with someone as good as Tsuruga-san. Besides, she is a slut, if you don't believe me, look at her." The reporter said something indistinct once more. "Well, she let six guys have their way with her that day alone, knowing we were all watching. She just stripped and fucked them each individually. It was only after that we attacked her. We couldn't let some slut like that take our Ren-chan away." The girl's smirk became more prominent with every lie she told. "There is also the delightful fact that she says explicitly that she is a slut. I mean, it is written on her!" She and her friends howled with laughter.

Lory turned off the TV with a growl. "Lies," said Ren from the bed. "All of them."

Kyoko shook her head and tried to sit up. She gasped in pain, and tears started falling faster than before. Ren, who had decided not to try touching her again, still wanted to help, so he raised the head of the bed so she was lying on the bed, but still raised enough to see everyone. "Its true." She said sobbing. "But I didn't want to! They tied me down and put a bag over my head. I didn't even know what was happening, just that it was really painful." She was wailing now. "Please don't hate me Ren!" She said, not looking at him. "I… I know I am not… not worth it, I…I know you would ha…ve been happier if I di…didn't wake up b…ut-" Kyoko's stammers cut off when Ren pressed his lips to hers.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for," he said, pressing his forehead to hers. "You are not to blame, I know you didn't do anything wrong." He kissed her again, "I was overjoyed when you woke up, I cannot imagine being without you." He kissed each tear stained cheek in turn. "I would have been a mess if you had died." He kissed her forehead."I love you, Kyoko," he said between kisses then he settled back down again, afraid he would hurt her. "I cannot live without you, nor do I ever want try to again." He looked her in the eye. "Marry me?"

Kyoko stroked one of his cheeks with her hand and kissed him lightly, slightly confused but radiating joy nonetheless. "Yes" she said blushing again but meeting his gaze. "Of course! Yes!" and then, exhausted from the small amount of physical and emotional activity, she cuddled close to him once more and fell back asleep.


End file.
